Today I bring you a story of terror and sheer insanity. And, oddly enough, it seems to encompass my daily life  pretty well. Now, this IS a humor piece, but my life is funny, and therefore I shall share the joy. Being that this is my first post (ever), I'll give you a brief summary of what to expect of future postings. Most of my postings will be observational humor, with a few book reviews thrown in. 

The first thing is, my life is ridiculous. I can't make this shit up, so all the incidents you will read are true with the only embellishment being the addition of my emotions as they were felt at the time. Secondly, I am unemployed, which is where the idea to do a blog came from to keep myself from running screaming into the darkness and ending it all. Thirdly, if you are offended by curse words or politically incorrect humor, proceed with caution. Being that a major comedic idol of mine is Lewis Black, cursing is going to happen. Deal. Now, on to a story of terror and hilarity involving me and these raptor birds known as turkeys. 

I live in rural PA, am surrounded forest and my driveway is 1/4 mile long. This also means that wildlife is rampant here, and will not act afraid if you yell, scream, or throw things at them. This becomes detrimental when placed in a situation of life and death. On this particular day, I had already been tricked to obtaining alcohol for "medicinal" purposes, which is another story entirely, and I was pissed. I come home, pour some coffee, and proceed to sit on my porch to drink the heavenly liquid. I was enjoying my time alone when I heard it. 

"PONK" "PONK PONK PONK." 

Now, I assumed something had blown against the door and caused the noise, so I continued to sit and enjoy my solitude. Then the sounds became more rapid, and more annoying. I decided to summon my inner Annie Oakley and check out the disturbance from the safety of inside the house. I peer around the curtain, and I see the source.

There are 14 blue-skulled, wrinkled, beady-eyed turkey pecking incessantly at my sliding glass door. I begin pounding the door to scare them off, no dice. These things are trained battle animals. If you need a visual to how turkey's act when confronted, watch that scene in Jurassic Park where the raptors are in the kitchen. THAT is how they act, the fuckers are smart, and they follow you as you move. They have beady eyes that just follow your movements before they peck at you.  In order to save the door that the gaggle had successfully chipped, I had to run at the group, scream at them, and throw rocks.They reluctantly flew away, but not with leaving peckmarks and chips in the door that was the object of their attention.

That night I went and purchased a slingshot for my own protection. Two day's later, I entered battle, in an effort to save the door from further abuses. The slingshot proved effective, and sent the raptor-bastards fleeing to the woods. I felt a feeling accomplishment, until I walked into the glass door. But a bruise on my head is small price to pay for a raptor-free home. 

If you enjoy stories of aging alcoholics and their quest for liquor, tune in tomorrow for my first installment of "Grandma, Please Don't Drink the Listerine." 

It has been just almost a year since SU was declared dead... and almost 2 years since I pulled the plug on NoFreedom. But I'm back and I think this site is much better than anything I have done before (or atleast I hope). Anyway, there is a plenty of sections to keep you guys busy. There is now over 700+ arcade games. I think the arcade section is also cleaned up a bit. There isn't as much useless data to clutter the pages. There is a community section and a chat bar - both similar to facebook. Though, you can't really compare the two sites considering Zuckerberg is worth billions of dollars and I am worth negative dollars. Also, the dropdown menu "customize" lets you change the style of the webpage. That uses cookies though, so if you delete your cookies you'll have to click on the style again. There are forums and a bunch of other stuff to keep you busy though. I don't really have time to do a walkthrough on the features, just explore the site and try to figure it out.

This site is obviously lacking content. I even have to finish the two reviews I have posted on the homepage (considering I never even really started them)... that's how much content I DON'T have. So... don't even bother looking at the articles section. I'll be posting interesting videos I find on the net in the Video Of the Day in the blog section. If you'd like to write for this site.. any types of articles or reviews just let me know. You'll have to send me a sample of your writing just to make sure you're "okay." I can't pay you though. So you'll be paid with my respect and gratitute.. I guess?

When I first read the title of this movie, I had no idea what to expect. So to say the least, I was not expecting much from this movie. In the end, I was pleasently surpised. This is satire of the highest caliber. If you don't approach it that way, you'll probably be dismayed at Chris Morris' portrayel of these homegrown terrorists.

Anyway, I'm not actually going to write a full-review yet... I simply don't have time! But, I did want a cool image to display on the homepage... so look for an actual review of this black-comedy movie in the near future ;).